I'm resting and cuddling with kitties before packing the rest of my gifts to head to Bowling Green to spend time with the family. I'm filled with some joy, some longing and of course, this time of year leads to reflection of all sorts. It was a pivotal year. I don't say that lightly. It took 2008 and expanded on it. I am confident 2010 is going to be something completely unexpected in the best of ways. So, what learnings have come my way that I want to share?
I learned, again, that love is complicated and that the best thing you can do for it is to give it room to breathe. I will have to continue learning this as I'm a whirling dervish in that arena as well, but I am definitely growing.
I learned that life has way more opportunity for you than your little pea brain can imagine and that if you continue to say "yes!", focus on kindness and giving and quality, good things will arrive that will surprise the hell out of you.
I learned once, and for all, that I suck at housekeeping AND, unfortunately, that my joy is significantly impacted by having a clean house. 2010 will see the dawning of a housekeeper for part of the time.
I learned that I do have an addiction and that is sleep. It is not healthy. I want it too much. It does everything that any other addiction does. This year I want to get out more and experience many of the things I've put on hold for so long now.
I learned, finally, that the misery I find in traditional work does not make me a failure, that I should have pursued harder the many dreams I had for years of working for myself. I'm different, but not flawed. The more I stepped towards that dream, the more the universe has said "yes".
I've learned I am deeply loved and deeply loving. When I move past the addiction of sleep, there are so many lovely people waiting to greet me as friends. I care for them deeply in my heart but I have to show up and do the work of being a friend.
Finally, I learned that I'm not defined by my past, that truly awful choices made on my part do not mean I'm not worthy of a lovely, healthy life filled with the kind of heart-bursting gratitude I once had. I'm ready to reclaim what we all deserve: contentment.
I wish you all incredibly happy holidays where we let go of the pettiness and discomfort and embrace the love. See you in 2010!
